#worse case-scenario i'll have to do it on the weekend

[airenyah]

update on my thesis: i STILL haven't written a single word for it, i'm STILL missing 4k words

buttttttt!!!!!!

i've gone through my literature and analyzed almost all my examples and done almost all the research i still needed and taken notes sooooooo

that means all that's left to do is to turn my notes into actual proper sentences

[everlastingdream]

When Xavier got her a phone, Wednesday was adamant about never using the thing. But Enid did make her to concede to some extent by constantly looking as abandoned puppy through the whole summer. Which she spent in Addams manor because according to Morticia: "It seems that our family is more equipped to help you ease into your transformations, darling". Mrs Addams said it looking directly at seething Esther Sinclair, laying a comforting but firm hand at Enid's shoulder.

So yes, by the end of the summer Wednesday was accustomed to her phone and had several apps and contacts, which she tried to resist at first, but then agreed to. She gave the whole lecture that perhaps it was benefishial to have the means to reach everyone, but Pugsley pulled out the real whip to crack right in the middle of her speech. Enid blushed and didn't say a thing when equally flustered Wednesday (read: with just a bit flushed tips of ears) pulled him into torture room.

Well, yeah... Enid chose not to think about too hard. And every not easily defined moment they shared this summer...

So! When they started their second year Enid started a group chat, added Wednesday and instantly needed to teach her roommate how to mute it.

Wednesday muted everything she deemed unimportant which was everything and everyone. And it did sting just a bit, but Enid still considered Wednesday having everyone's numbers as her personal victory.

"Wens, I'll just grab second serving real quick. Try not to disappear like last time, okay?" It was a sore spot for Enid. After everything last year, she still started panic if Wednesday was gone without a word.

"I promised, I won't", even if her voice was annoyed, but Enid still noticed how guilt filled dark eyes.

"I believe you", Enid smiled softly, squeezing her shoulder to skip to the line. But she focused her hearing on the table she left behind.

"So when will you buy a ring, Addams? I need to empty a spot in my busy schedule to help if I want you picking something decent for my bestie", Yoko started as soon as she seemed to think that Enid was out of earshot. She was at it the moment Enid told her that Addams family was taking her for the summer.

"Never", Wednesday stated, not looking from her book. "Addams' gift a bracelet or a pendant. Rings can be in the way".

Yoko choked on her blood bag, and Enid felt a bit like doing the same.

"Nice one, Addams. Almost as nice as my meme you ignored yesterday", Bianka grimaced when Yoko's coughing almost covered her in blood droplets.

"I told you I muted all of you. I will check it at weekend when it won't interfere with my work".

"You are so- Oh my God, Yoko, you don't even need to breath, could you please stop getting blood everywhere?!" Wednesday nodded, even if she wasn't against blood, but coughing was starting to get on her nerves.

"It's not like wheeze It's not like I can just leave blood in my lungs. It would rot!" Yoko managed, looking ruefully at her almost empty blood bag. "For someone so principled you take it with you everyday. Text Enid to pick up me another bag".

Wednesday pulled her phone from thin air, earning rolled eyes from around the table. Enid felt a surge of pride. At the same time last year Wednesday would've refused, said that she was not Yoko's servant and in worse scenario take out a knife. But now she just casually texted Enid, leaving her phone on the table as she waited for confirmation. Her case was adorned with small sticker of scorpion Enid gifted her.

Enid checked the message to reply, sending a single smiling emoticon. Wednesday probably won't even look at it.

And then there was a clear minimalistic rington from across a cafeteria.

When Wednesday lifted the phone to read the message with small smile, Enid's heart skipped the beat.

"Damn, Addams, it's almost a love confession".

When Wednesday lifted her head from screen to meet Enid's eyes with almost soft look, Enid suddenly thought:

Perhaps it is

[muzzlemouths]

I've got a gew questions hihi

What was Sun and Moon's first impression when they saw the reader with the rest of the counselors group?

Could you tell us a bit as to how their view and how they felt about the reader fluctuated until the latest chapters?

Do you have anything in mind regarding how you'd like their relationship (not necessarily romantic) to turn out as the story progresses?

And last but not least, how are you enjoying the direction of the story so far?

Thanks for your time! Rest well and have a great weekend 💛

could you please give us crumbs for the next chapter please please I'm hungry I need more

What was Sun and Moon's first impression when they saw the reader with the rest of the counselors group?

Surprise. Fear. Then frustration. y/n being there threw a massive wrench in their plans, and the two had a small squabble over what should be done with you, with Sun insisting that there was still time to try and convince you to leave, and Moon reminding him that it was too much of a risk. If you left, the rest of them might follow, and then the last ten years of planning would go down the drain. For better or for worse, you were one of them now. That meant you would die like them, too.

Could you tell us a bit as to how their view and how they felt about the reader fluctuated until the latest chapters?

From the very beginning of the fic, Sun decided that if you had to die, he would make sure your last three days were worthwhile. In what can only be described as giving the dog chocolate before putting it down, he put in the work to make sure you felt special.

Inevitably, he grew attached. A bad habit that Moon had directly warned him to avoid. His befriending of you became a very real, very genuine thing, and he grappled with the idea of having to put the blade to your throat to the point where now, in the present of the story, he has disillusioned himself into believing that if he can just convince you about his side of things, he might just be allowed to let you live. He doesn't even strictly want you to help, it would be enough just to turn a blind eye. It would be enough just to tell him you understood.

The illusion will shatter all too soon, and he'll realize with a bittersweet note of finality that it's too late for explanations, it's too late to plead his case. You've made up your mind. You prove that more and more with every counselor that is saved by your hand.

You will be the one casualty he can't enjoy.

Do you have anything in mind regarding how you'd like their relationship (not necessarily romantic) to turn out as the story progresses?

I have to keep my own personal feelings at bay since the final outcome is in the reader's hands, though I do hold favoritism towards a specific ending — and we are very, very close to the decision that locks the route in.

That being said, we have already passed the decisions which herald in the Bad End, so I'm not too concerned with where we go from here. I'll be content with the results regardless because I know that the only endings remaining are ones I will enjoy :) (I had to tiptoe so much with the phrasing here so as to not spoil anything, lmao)

And last but not least, how are you enjoying the direction of the story so far?

The direction definitely came as a surprise! I was really expecting readers to be either indifferent or outright hateful of the counselors, and while I did my best to ensure they weren't too easy to love or hate, it still caught me off guard how quickly (and in such great numbers) readers decided to save the counselors. Y'all really looked at an impossibly bleak slasher scenario and decided this was going to be an Everyone Lives playthrough right from the start lmao.

I'll be the first to admit that initially I was a little disappointed in how few deaths have actually occurred, if only because writing Chet's death was so much fun for me! But I've grown to really love putting these characters through the ringer only to see them make it out safe in the end. There's just something so cathartic about hope finding a way even as they trudge through hell.

Now it's just up to y'all to keep the rest of them alive, and it's only going to get harder from here on out 😌

Here is your crumb!

[the---hermit]

Red currants I harvested the other day, and some recipe notes belonging to my great grandfather (not the recipe I tried today, but it was such a cool find I had to share it).

26|06|2023

My post exam resting continues, and I don't know how long it will last, but I am enjoying every moment of it. Today I started planning a trip I'll be going on with my parents this weekend. I really like planning these kind of things, and I'm really excited to go on this trip. I really hope my anxiety won't fuck it up for me, but I am trying to focusing on the positive things, and in the worse case scenarios I have my meds to help me. Today I also took some time to try a new recipe I have never done before with my own hands. It's a family recipe both my grandmas used to make, and judging from the smell I have a good feeling about what I have made with my first attempt. I'll only be able to judge in a couple of days, but my hopes are high. I also worked on a reading challenge update post that has been in my draft for months and that I will hopefully post soon. I was also thinking about making a specific post on what I read in the year so far, but I honestly don't know how to structure it yet (so if anyone has any ideas let me know, I might look for a tag or something). I wanted to work in my garden but by the time I finished cooking I was tired and today it was way too hot for me to do a good job, so I have postponed that to the next few days.

Productivity and self care:

read first thing in the morning

monthly therapy session

did the first big part of my travel planning

tried making a family recipe for the first time

listened to a feel good playlist

worked on a future post

Irish on duolingo (still just doing reviews of old stuff because my burned out brain cannot focus on new topics)

listened to the newest episode of the books unbound podcast

crosswords

📖: The House In The Cerulean Sea by T.J. Klune

🎵:25 by The Pretty Reckless

[crimeronan]

i lost the entire weekend to whatever's wrong with my back and now today i need to drive around a lot and run a lot of errands before an important appointment tomorrow and i do feel like i'm going to burst into tears. i should get a call from my doctor's office with my x-ray results today or tomorrow and then be able to make an appointment for treatment but in the meantime my body hurts so bad and moving around sucks and it keeps feeling worse and worse but i can't do anything about it because i am a grown-ass adult and sometimes that means needing to do grown-ass adult shit while in catastrophic amounts of pain and there's nothing that can be done about it. if i get home from making various photocopies and printing various things at the library and just collapse inside and start howling like a wounded dog it'll be the best case scenario because then at least i'll have DONE MY FUCKING ERRANDS,

[smoke-and-aurora]

I really don't want to talk about this irl because nothing is confirmed yet - it's all through the grapevine and one of the narrators is unreliable. But I'm hoping that by writing it down (again) and sending it out into the internet void, maybe I can let it go so I can get to sleep. My friend just told me that her mother, who is biphobic and against her daughter's poly marriage, brought it up with my dad while at their little dinner last weekend. My friend was not there, so only according to her mother, my dad agreed that bisexuality makes no sense and is not real - as well as lied about my multiple relationships with girls and claimed that I "suddenly" announced in Sept 2024 that I'm going to marry a woman. He has known I'm bi since I was 12. His late mother (my grandma) was gay. He has given me relationship advice while I was dating women. And to my face, he even accepted when I told him I sometimes use "they" pronouns (although I don't need him to do that) despite the fact that he probably doesnt really get it. Thats fine, you know, i dont need him to understand all the ways im different than he is. I'm just shocked by this reveal that he told my friends mom that he doesn't believe in all this gender and sexuality stuff and that I've had plenty of boyfriends so I'm probably not bi. Like, did she lie about that in order to needle my friend more about her marriage? Or did my dad actually say this really out of character stuff? Does he have dementia? Is his girlfriend of 1 year pressuring him to hide my identity? Why didn't we go see my late grandmother's partner for xmas like we always do? Why hasn't he even said her name to me in months? Does he have fucking dementia???? He is an age where early onset could happen. I feel so fucking sick. This man is my rock. He is the pillar that holds up my life. Why is this happening to us? What am I gonna do if he is becoming a bigot? What am I gonna do if he has dementia??? WHY is the best case scenario that he lied to my friends mom in order to keep the peace with her, thereby making my friend's life worse by emboldening her mother's bigotry? My friend's husband literally tried to comfort me by saying it's probably that - it's probably that he was in "chameleon mode" and either didn't say those things exactly how my friend's mom claims or pretended to agree with her in order to have a nice dinner.. the fucked up part is that yea, that's actually way better for me if true. It fucking sucks for everyone else though and crumbles my respect for my dad. But fucking hell I guess I'll take that over outright hatefulness and/or mental erosion. 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️😭

[iantimony]

almost a thursday wednesday tuesday

as of posting it is actually a thursday oopsie

listening: found the band 'the last shadow puppets', they are faintly arctic monkeys-y in a way that all blends together so i don't have a specific song to rec, it's good driving music though. and i did a Lot of driving last weekend.

the new sammy rae album is sooooo good. not linking a specific song rn it's all just really yummy. i need to remind myself to buy the show tickets for later in oct.

reading: 5-Minute Sketching: Landscapes by Virginia Hein - my mom got this from the library recently and i yoinked it as bedtime reading. it's good! some really strong technique ideas in here, most of which i'd seen before but some that were new (like the stuff about sketching on the go, which i want to get better at) and i liked it.

This is Real and You are Completely Unprepared: The Days of Awe as a Journey of Transformation by Alan Lew - some of my friends from temple are book-clubbing this and i am, of course, behind in the reading. i've only just started it so i have about 30 pages to read to catch up so i will at least be ready for the next one.

relatedly: i have been practicing the yom kippur torah reading that i was asked to do for services! i really wanted to learn to chant it but at this point i'm not sure i'll have the time, i don't know the trope marks and i feel like it's a little late to try and learn them :( but damn it i'll try. worse case scenario i can just read it day-of, it's not a huge deal. weh.

watching: is true friendship dead? (mina le): as someone who just added hours to a driving trip to fit in pickups/dropoffs for people to train stations/airports, the idea of like, Not doing those things for the people you consider your friends is insane to me. to be fair i do have limits on what i'm willing to do, especially on short notice, but in general, idk.

everyone wants your time (drew gooden): interesting little thing on the attention economy.

making plates with mouldy clay (florian gadsby): like every amateur potter i love florian.

'mommy marketing', luxury baby products, & registry etiquette: as someone who ostensibly plans to have kids nebulously one day, this is wild. i cannot imagine spending $200 on what is essentially a backpack. what. no.

playing: fallow unless we count thinking really hard about minecraft

making: mostly fallow :( i guess now's a good time as any to blast that i've been stream-of-thoughting on @contra-positive on tumblr (and i think will start crossposting to dreamwidth as well). i do daily journalling (or try to) but that's more for my own day to day bullshit, i don't really brain dump in there because i can't write as fast as i type and i end up thinking about the words too much to have it be a real brain dump. shrug! bad word vomit blog. thumbs up emoji

eating: had some good ass food at some best friends' wedding this past weekend. otherwise fallow :((( hoping tomorrow for some good ass rosh hashanah food that i will be cooking/baking.

misc: i have been at home with family for almost three weeks, which feels like a lot of time and also no time at all. friday i fly to visit my grandma and this time next week i will finally be gearing up to be back in my apartment. i miss my cat! i miss my space!! i miss my crafts and activities!!!

[onrainynights]

journal entry. June 26th 2023. this is what I'm glad to leave behind this year. (cw self harm and suicidal ideation)

I've been having a hard time over the past few weeks. despite having down time on the weekends, I find myself feeling similarly to back in middle and high school—dreading the next morning, pretending it's not going to happen, etc. On Friday I had a really bad meltdown at work and hurt myself. it was really dark. I thought I broke my hand. I found myself in a state of thinking the pain was good, that I needed it to stay composed, and would hit my hand hard again whenever I felt the pain—and my composure—fading. at one point I thought that if I'd had a knife, I would've stabbed myself with it.

mom didn't seem to care. she blamed me for it. it just made me feel worse. I needed this weekend to emotionally reset, and physically heal a bit, but now I just feel raw and horrible and like I'm back in 8th grade. a month ago I almost looked forward to work each day. now it's a nightmare. nobody prepared me for what it would become and now they're blaming me for being blindsided by it. part of me wants to just keep going out of spite, but another part doesn't know how I'm gonna eat lunch at his house every day and pretend like nothing is wrong. I think I'll take my lunch in the shop, at least for a little while. I don't think it's wise for me to force myself into social situations if it's not necessary. I'll need the time away from people to calm down.

I finally see the appeal of self-harm. it scares the shit out of me but it also made me feel so much better. the physical pain was like an emotional painkiller. not sure how that works, but it did.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to listen to music and podcasts tomorrow like nothing is wrong. what if roger wants to train me tomorrow. fuck. I don't wanna talk to him. I think I'd stutter if I tried.

I wish people didn't have to know me. I wanna be a stranger to everyone, always. I never wanna meet new people ever again. god. I was happy. I was so happy but it never lasts and now I'm worse than I've been in a while. I hate when I get back to this place. I wish people understood me. I wish I had something concrete I could point to as a reason why. but I don't. wish I could just break both my legs and be bedridden for months. I need therapy. but I don't have health insurance and I definitely can't afford to pay for therapy out of pocket. let alone actually get to appointments. teletherapy is still a hard no. can't risk anyone overhearing. I'd talk about her eventually and someone would hear and my life would blow up and that's the worst-case scenario. worse than a brain tumor and 6 months to live.

at least it'll be over soon. the work stress I mean. at soonest, early August will calm things down. at the latest, the job ends in October or November. at least come 2024 I'll know I'm never coming back to this hellhole. I'd rather go back to retail for less pay than have a repeat of the last week. and I don't know if worse is yet to come

maybe I'm being a bit superstitious but I don't think I'll ever say "I will" again when someone tells me to have a good day. it just seemed to backfire.

can't end the day disappointed if you don't start it with expectations of anything

The day is the day, can't be bad or good or nothing. It just is.

I wanna sleep for a year. I wanna not die but not live through what's coming for me. I feel like I did so long ago and I hate it. I hate this. Someone give me some god damn antidepressants or something. Everyone in this fucking family is medicated and therapized except for me, why am I the exception? why do I have to fend for myself when nobody ever taught me how? I think id be more stable if I was homeless. at least then I'd know never to expect anything good

And there it is again, the urge to run away. seems like the happy medium until I remember my family would worry and I'd have to get rid of my phone, and I'd have shit food, and who would take care of Henry if I was gone? nobody. and I couldn't take him with me.

I'd miss him and Bella to much

They're the reasons why I haven't done it yet

I think I'd have killed myself if not for that cat or that girl. he'd die without me, and my heart breaks at the thought of never seeing her grow up, of her never really knowing me. wouldn't even have a memory.

but how am I supposed to endure this? just the thought of going back makes me want to destroy myself. makes me want to be invisible again. I was invisible once. nobody knew or cared who I was or what I thought or what I could do. I was one of hundreds, unimportant, like a little ant in a whole colony. and here I am now just holding on to these routines I've built myself, tracks for my trolley to run on, grooves carved carefully and deliberately over time until they're so deep I can't climb out of them unless pulled out by something external—and when a vulture grips my shoulders and tumbles me out I can do nothing but watch and lash out but there's no one to hurt but myself, the vulture is gone, and I am broken by my own hand. I look ahead to my grooves and they've been destroyed, washed away by my tears, and I am starting over because I have no other choice. but my grooves are gone and so I don't know where to go or what to do. how did I make those grooves in the first place? what did I use? I used this shovel, I think, but I can't find it now. the vulture took it. I am back on flat ground where I began and I am lost. the vulture wants me to follow him, to fly, but I can't make new grooves in the sky. I need grooves. I need grooves. trolleys aren't supposed to fly. they'd crash and break and take people down with them. I'm not afraid. I just know better. I walk in a direction, I don't think it's the same one as before. I don't recognize that tree. but I keep walking until I'm back where I started. and then I keep going, tracing over my own footprints. and again. and again. and again and again and again again again again again and I walk in the grooves and I push my trolley with everything I need and everyone I love and it's ok, finally okay.

and then I remember the vulture.

[robotslenderman]

asdf

Was really tempted to get a new case for the trip. My current case only has two wheels and they're shit. Like, one wheel skips every other second -- not one specific wheel, they take turns doing it -- so wheeling that thing over anything smoother than ice has it lurching from side to side as one wheel fucks up and then the other wheel trips. It's a real pain, especially if you're in a hurry. I'd been using it for trips out north west and I've been drooling at the four wheeled cases for years.

But like. It'd cost hundreds of bucks to buy a new case. So I ignored the siren song of The Case.

But. I do need a carryon for next year when I start making weekend trips down south to go apartment hunting. And I'd really not like to deal with those shitty wheels when I'm in London and sleep deprived.

So when Mum made a comment today that the old case was "buggered" I just went. fuck it. @nevertrustanoracle mentioned that there was a sale on at Strandbags so I went there, looking for a bright, appropriately visually offensive case. Because my sleep is a precious little fairy and there is a fair chance that, worst case scenario, by the time I get to London I will have gone 40+ hours without sleep, so I need something nice and bright and unmistakeably mine that even sleep deprived non-medicated me can immediately recognise it and yank that shit off the carousel.

Strandbags had some revolting cases but I'd seen something online that was nice and bright without being revolting so I went to RainbowBags. I didn't actually intend to buy anything from them but WHAT A COINCIDENCE they ALSO had a 30% sale on

so fuck it

bought a couple of fire engine red cases. one in medium size, the other in carryon size primarily for Melbourne, but I'll use it at London too. when I go to London it'll be late spring here and late autumn there -- I can pack a coat, cardigan, gloves and beret in the carryon and put everything else I need on the plane in my airport jacket so that when I get to London I don't have to go rooting around in my big case for something warm to put on. Because I googled it and apparently late autumn temperatures in London are worse than deep winter Sydney temperatures. and Anglesey is gonna be EVEN WORSE. I should buy a beanie next time I remember, the berets won't be enough.

so yeah I did that. Cost a fair chunk of my London budget, but still less than I was dreading -- just under $400. Which is how much it costs to breathe in London for like three minutes (affectionate, despairing).

Definitely not wearing the London winter outfit on the plane tho because my stopover is in fucking Singapore and fuck that.

[oraclekleo]

Oleo

Hi Kleo! I’m glad to see you post 💕

I saw your “Wednesday wisdom” post today, and it’s crazy because something happened to me on Wednesday that made me think “wow, I’ve really been through it but I’m still here, in perspective it could’ve been worse but there’s still so much I can do and look forward too, so I’m grateful for it”

I guess it really was “gratefulness Wednesday” too 😂

Also I just remembered I never replied to this https://www.tumblr.com/oraclekleo/714960471848075264/hi-kleo-i-just-booked-a-soulmate-reading-through and I’m so sorry 🥺

I know it’s been a while, but since I saw you would be doing these little by little, I was thinking you could maybe do whatever reading you feel called to doing? if you want to, of course... I love surprises and I’d rather you enjoy doing the reading and flow freely.

Have a nice weekend! Though you said you’ll be busy, I hope it isn’t too hard on you and you get to have nice moments of peace in between 💕

Hello!

Wow! I never thought the gratefulness Wednesday will actually have such an impact.

Also well done you have endured all you did. Yes, sometimes in retrospect we get pretty astonished what we have survived. Keep on going. Overcoming hardships brings rewards even if they seem small or insignificant ones at the time being, they can actually make the day. 💖

My plan is to do the readings people asked for but thank you for the permission to go freestyle with you. 😁 It's actually interesting to try. Who knows what the cards want you know, right? This way they at least get a chance to speak freely. 😂

Have a nice weekend, too. Make sure you rest and relax as much as possible whenever you can (from experience I know it's sometimes once in a blue moon) and keep the positive mindset. I usually say that the most sensible thing one can do in life is to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. I know that if one is overly focused on coming up with worst case scenarios, they can happen by being manifested that way. However, ignoring the possibility of something bad happening isn't wise either because when you're not prepared, the consequences might be worse. So! Manifest the best possible outcome but be prepared for the possibility of the worst one, too. 😁 If that makes any sense to you.

I'm actually going to visit a dog shelter today in the late afternoon. I'm going to meet two dogs I have liked on the shelter's website so we will see what is the chemistry in between us. I'll keep you informed and if I actually adopt the two dogs, I'll flood you with details and pics. 😂

Thank you for hitting my inbox! Have a great time! 💗

Kleo 🦄

[ericaportfolio]

I think the game does take inspiration from the realism of the homeless issue and how cities and the government don't do much to help and if they do their either temporary solutions or ideas that make the situation worse than before. In the universe of Hello Puppets, the city leaders with some government officials (which that's a good thought to consider), and even some officials at the very top, kept their heads in the sand to have a short-term solution which is very illegal. Because of that, they do whatever they can to cover it up. Fridge, come to think of it, maybe they went so far as shipping homeless people to the city, hoping the puppets would get them, which makes the situation WORSE! Anyone who comes so close to discovering the truth, the leaders will pull up any record of that person, Anthony for example, to use as an excuse not to listen to them or blackmail that person to oblivion if they come out. Scout's Host on the other hand, is a college student with a possible clean record and comes from a "normal" life, only for that "normal" life to take a turn as a trip through hell and back. And reasonably, Host would walk out of this with trauma and survivor's guilt. Unfortunately, this causes problems for the leaders and officials to be unable to blackmail Host, especially if people like Scout Harper were to come out with their stories.

Scout Harper probably knows that Mortimer's Handeemen are a cult since they were brought to life by a religious book, which is another red flag for any official who listens and is an expert in cults. The games do have this message on mental health caused by abuse, trauma, life choices, life experiences, etc., and how it affects people, even those who find themselves in cults. I can see a sequel where it's Host and Scout Harper and anyone who joins in the fight to take the puppets down but be careful they don't find themselves in a Jonestown or Waco situation where everyone dies in a worst-case scenario. However, I got another theory that revolves around Host and Scout (especially Host) after the ending revelations from Midnight Show. I'll see if I can get that out over the weekend before Anemoiapolis comes out. But also, if you haven't seen it yet, watch The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals on YouTube.

Hello Puppets' Secret Villains?

So I had a thought about this just now. I want to get this out before I go crazy when Anemoiapolis gets released next week. For the universe of Hello Puppets, I'm starting to think Mortimer's Handeemen aren't the only villains in the series. I believe there's another group of questionable people we should start talking about just in case this is revealed in another prequel or sequel to Hello Puppets. Let me explain...

I guess that the original purpose of the studio headquarters before Mortimer's Handeemen moved into the building was a factory or plant near the city hospital of the time, Sacred Mercy Hospital. From Riley's wing, probably a meat plant. I'm not sure how Owen got the building in the first place other than his dad helped pay for it, but either way, setting up a studio in a former plant like a meat plant was a bad idea, health, and safety-wise. The way the news portrayed the fire in the newspaper made it sound like it was an accident, and the authorities retrieved the bodies of the dead cast member due to the death count mentioned. But wait for a second, this doesn't make sense after playing the original game. Owen's body is still in there. Jake Bowen is still there possessed by a sock puppet. At Midnight Show's ending, Carla and Joel are still possessed, and Owen's spirit is in the body of Matilda, another crew member. I don't think anyone went in because someone like Scout Harper told the authorities about what happened and didn't want to risk going in there to get possessed themselves.

However, here's the twist, so bear with me. With the homeless becoming victims of the puppets, why isn't the city taking this seriously and didn't listen to Anthony, who was investigating the case, and went to stop it? Well, that's because the city leaders are covering this up to decrease their homelessness problem. Think about it! The world was affected by recessions, lockdowns, and economic/crime problems harming big cities over the years. Because of this, the city leaders let the puppets continue with their crimes to have the city appear safe to live with a low homeless and low crime report. If Anthony got the word out for everyone to listen, not only the puppets get destroyed, but the city leaders from over the years could get questioned and arrested if found guilty. With Anthony missing, it seemed they didn't have to worry anymore. That was until Scout's Host escapes the HQ with a dead puppet stitched onto their hand.

If the hospital is still nearby and not relocated, and someone found Host and took them there, the doctors and nurses would question what happened. If they believe they're going to tell security to phone the police. If someone at the police department takes this seriously, actions will have consequences for the puppets as the police and detectives make one horrible discovery after the other. Then Host's potential family and friends, their college, and the college editor who sent them might catch wind of this which would create rightful outrage. If nobody listens, unfortunately, the puppets would take that as a cue to start taking over the world, ready or not. With that, everyone gets possessed by a puppet. In my opinion, in a headcanon, anyone left is just the human actors/actresses playing a part and singing against their wills, similar to Starkid's The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals, like it's a Sesame Street episode. Those who don't obey get bagged in a meat locker. Whatever the ending is, karma will bite the city leaders over the years eventually for the greedy roles they played to make themselves look better.

I'm sorry this is long. I had to get some theory about this topic out there to get the ball rolling. So be free to add anything to this to expand this theory. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!

[takamishinko]

karasuno and nekoma scenario + headcanons for ftm reader

pronouns: he/him

warnings: dead naming, slight harassment and tranphobic comments like using the wrong pronouns.

a/n: this was a request from @mi-ts i hope you enjoy this and this is what you're looking for :) i added in some headcanons of my own as well. pls tell me if i said anything offensive in there by accident, i was also super tired when i wrote this so pls excuse me for any mistakes :'D

karasuno:

i feel like the entire team is pretty supportive and definitely not transphobic

the only person that i could possibly think of that doesn't understand transitioning would be tanaka but even then he'll still support you in whatever decision you make

let's start off with the first years

hinata and kageyama definitely uses correct pronouns though i feel like kageyama might forget sometimes but he'll just use they instead

tsuki doesn't care much and i don't think he cares a lot about anything other than maybe yamaguchi

yamaguchi would be really sweet about it, correct pronouns 100%, no mistakes or mess ups. he'll probably pay more attention to you and help you with whatever you need

kinoshita and narita are both super supportive people so they wouldn't care that much but they would definitely use right pronouns and all that

ennoshita is kind of the leader of the group right? i feel like he would advocate your pronouns only if ur comfortable with it though

alright third years

suga.

supportive supportive supportive super supportive

makes sure your absolutely 120% comfortable with your surroundings and if there are people bothering you he's not scared to get asahi and daichi to square up with them

daichi is pretty lowk about it. respectful of course. always tries to help you with suga but doesn't end up helping a lot but that's ok

lastly asahi would be…

pretty nervous about making sure he doesn't use the wrong pronouns or make you uncomfortable

like overly cautious but you find it funny and adorable

__________

"yo y/n! what took you so long? practice started 10min ago." tanaka shouted from across the gym.

"sorry…i got caught up with something." you replied with a sad tone in your voice.

the team immediately noticed something wrong. you were usually a pretty cheerful person and sulking like that didn't seem right to them. 

"woah woah, you good man?" noya said while tapping you shoulder.

"yah i'm fine guys, thanks." you lied.

"even a dumbass like hinata and king over there would know you're not fine, what's wrong." said tsuki.

"hey we heard that! but seriously y/n-kun, is everything ok?" hinata said while walking over with kageyama. 

"it's nothing much really… some second years called me uhh… "baby girl" today and asked me if i had anything to do after school. they wouldn't let me go either even after i told them i had somewhere else to be…. and the fact that i'm not a girl anymore." 

"they fucking what now?" suga said with an incredibly hostile smile on his face. 

"do you know their names?" daichi asked.

"yah its f/n l/n and f/n and l/n…" 

"those two sons of bitches??" tanaka and noya screamed in unison. 

"yah do you guys know them or something?" 

"they're in the class beside ours, we don't know much about them except that they're annoying as fuck. they've been making girls uncomfortable all year long." noya replied.

"oh… they must've thought i was a girl since i didn't wear a… y'know." 

"that's still no reason to do that to you y/n. first of all you weren't comfortable with them flirting with you, second of all you also told them that you're a guy and they still called you that." asahi said 

"yah that's true." daichi said with the rest of the team nodding their heads in agreement.

"don't worry y/n, we all know it's not your fault the binders don't work. no matter what you wear or how you look, the team will always see you as who you want to be!" suga said with a bright smile on his face this time.

a smile appeared on your face with warm thoughts entering your mind. knowing you have friends that care about you this much is truly a blessing you don't want to lose. 

"on a side note, suga and i know those 2 as well. in fact we know their homeroom teacher too, i'll go report to their teacher tomorrow. he loved suga and i, we were his best students." 

a small giggle came out of you and so did some happy tears. 

"thanks guys! it really means a lot." you said to all of your friends.

the rest of the practice was filled with joy and laughter. a few days later you received a handwritten apology from the two assholes you were talking about.

__________

nekoma:

same as karasuno i'm almost 100% sure none of them are transphobic and they would all be supportive. same case of tanaka with yamamoto though if anything

after you came out kuroo just gave you his signature smirk and a big thumbs up and continued to do his chemistry.

kai.

omg don't even get me started

he is SO supportive and just the nicest person possible

he's not aggressively supportive like suga but he's literally just always there for you. before you even realize you need something he already has it.

water, food, whatever it is.

yaku (personal nekoma fav), super chill about it

"oh cool, just let me go tell lev so he doesn't mess up your pronouns."

"lev for the last fucking time it's y/n and he/him it's not that hard to remember."

bonks lev everytime he messes up but he eventually got it

fukunaga just goes: 

":3 👍" 

so precious, never messes up your pronouns and names

kenma definitely doesn't mess up, remembers it well and i think he would just be like:

"cool, make sure you let the team know. especially lev…"

yamamoto would maybe mess up but he's trying his best

inuoka and shibayama:

i love these 2 so much btw^

inuoka would be excited cuz this is the first time someone ever came out as trans to them.

shibayama is just beside inuoka also being excited and nodding his head agreeing with everything he says

in conclusion these 2 are baby

__________

"hey guys what's up!" 

"ah y/ns here." kai said with s bright smile on his face, greeting you to practice.

"yo! what's up we're just getting started can you help me set up the net?" yaku said while waving over to you.

"yah i'm on my way give me a sec." 

"kenma go help yaku-san get off your game." kuroo said while poking at kenma.

"give me a sec. I'm almost finished." 

inuoka and shibayama were on the side listening to yamamoto talk about something. you and shōhei rushed over to help yaku with the net. 

"there, all done. thanks guys. kuroo let's start practice." yaku yelled

"yah everyone get ready-" 

just as kuroo said that, two boys entered the gym. they didn't look like they were up to anything good so kuroo stepped up and asked them what they're here for. 

"how can i help you two?" 

"we're just here to find d/n, oh there she is. hey~ you haven't answered our question yet, you free this weekend sweetheart?" one of the boys said as he attempted to move closer to you.

kuroo lost his shit immediately and pushed them away from you. 

"first of all his name is y/n, second of all it's he. lastly if you don't have anything else to say, please leave, our practice is about to start." 

"chill captain~ we just wanted to talk to this beautiful lady over here." 

"for the last fucking time you bastards it's-" yaku cut off kuroo before he could finish.

"leave it to me. you, tall one on the left, f/n l/n from c/n right?" yaku asked.

“y-yah why?” 

“your chemistry mark, 53% and you didn’t pass the test you took on thursday.”

“w-what ??! i don’t even know my mark yet how do you-”

“and you, the stick on the right, f/n l/n. you’re even worse, 49% as your total and your test? i’d embarrassed for you.”

“what the fuck?? w-who are you?!”

“yaku morisuke, 3rd year. the assistant for your chemistry teacher. now if you don’t want your marks leaked to the entire school i suggest you leave y/n here alone and get out.”

“tch yeah whatever !” the 2 boys said as they scurried away. 

“yaku-san!! that was so cool!!” everyone said.

“don’t worry about it! it’s what y/n deserves” he said with a huge thumbs up.

[princessofmerc]

How are you feeling about Mercedes chances in Barcelona?

I'm hopeful the upgrades will work, and if not they'll have something else in mind and keep trying I hope the gap doesn't increase but it is what is is..This weekend will be good data to help improve the car regardless at what happens and hopefully help stop these problems happening the W14. Lewis and George will do their best to maximise the car and bring some good points.

Okay so this is gonna be long.

I think what we saw in FP1 and FP2 in Miami already was promising and showed us the true potential of the car without major updates (there was the wing I know but I'm talking floor, maybe sidepods etc as has been discussed for some time by now). And I think that gap that you're talking about to Ferrari and Red Bull isn't as big as we might think if they can get into that window ,I'll call it Miami window for now, more consistently.

Best Case scenario: They find something big and it helps them close the gap to Red Bull and Ferrari to enable them wheel to wheel racing with them.

Worst Case scenario: they take a step back for a race or two and a team like Alfa, Haas or McLaren overtakes them for the 3rd best car on the grid, which won't make much of difference because of Lewis and George. (Actually there's another worst case I'm not even considering because, cmon guys we're talking about Mercedes here, innovation and development is sort of their thing)

Ultimately, I think we're going to end up with a mid thing between them at first and from then on we see an even bigger upwards trend with Mercedes than we have already. I know a lot of people, especially those who started watching around 2020 think the season is lost because they're not dominating, but if you actually take some time to study Mercedes, even though it's been worse than other years, Mercedes has started on the backfoot before and have surpassed their own problems. They're not 8 times world champions for nothing.

Maybe RBR and Ferrari are too strong and we need to wait for the W14 for another Championship chance. Maybe we'll be able to join them on Sunday already. Maybe they're too busy beefing with each other that they forget about Mercedes and George and Lewis will be able to consistently grab valuable points that the others leave on the track.

[arminbitchlover]

reincarnated lovers (1)

armin arlert x f!reader

summary: in their past life, reader and armin's love journey is cut short with the tragic death of reader from a deadly plague. now, they are once again reunited, but somehow everything feels wrong between them.

word count: 2.5k

content warnings: death

1349

"Armin... it hurts." You dazed off and felt nothing but sharp pains all over your body.

Your throat was dangerously dry, and your stomach grumbled from the lack of food you couldn't properly digest. You suffered from the feeling of a knife being pushed into your lungs and when you tried to pick up your head, black dots overtook your fuzzy vision. Every time you tried to move a muscle, the pain would exponentially heighten, and experienced your abdomen compress with an exorbitant amount of pressure.

"N-no please don't leave me yet. What about all our plans together? Going to the beautiful forest behind the hills for our anniversary next week, building a house to move in together, getting married, a-and start a family..." Armin's voice cracked as tears cascaded down his cheek and dripped onto your arm.

You sensed a soft warm hand grab yours which caused your heartbeat to quicken as you felt it coarse throughout your body.

This is the end.

You knew this was your last few moments on earth with your soulmate. It was over so fast. Too fast. You couldn't believe you wouldn't be able to fill the promises you made with your lover. This was your only and last chance at this life, and it was over in nineteen years, only four of them being spent with the person you thought you would grow old with

"Stay away... get sick..." You jerked your arm away from Armin unaware that you didn't feel the need to chug a gallon of water to quench your throat and that the nauseating feeling from hunger completely vanished as you kept slipping in and out of consciousness.

"Don't do this shit to me right now, I'm staying by your side no matter what." He lightly caressed your face not caring about the black lumps that engrossed your skin.

He knew he would become infected sooner or later and understood that this would be it for you even though he couldn't find it in himself to believe it.

"I-I-I'm sorry." You felt the back of your throat get knotted up but couldn't produce any tears.

You slowly moved your hand back down to your side, not feeling the aching pain that had taken over your body, as you barely brushed his fingertips.

"Baby, what are you apolo... not your fault." He looked down to your palm and intertwined his fingers with your cold limp hand. He trailed his eyes back up to your face and saw your closed eyes.

"Y/n?" His breathing became shallow and irregular as he gently shook your body in an attempt to bring you back to consciousness.

You lightly squeezed his hand with the last bit of energy you had in you; letting him know that you were still with him.

This isn't the last time... swear to you we'll find each other again... I'll... protect you. I lo..."

And that was it.

The last words you heard.

Passing away was more peaceful than you imagined. It was just like going to sleep, except you knew that you wouldn't wake up with Armin by your side.

...we'll find each other again...

His last words kept replaying in your mind before your brain completely shut off. It made you happy. He made you happy. You died happy knowing that there was a chance to meet him again, but who are you kidding, this was it. It's over now.

Right?

Present Day

"I don't know if going on a date is the best thing to do right now, Sasha. I just got out of a three-year relationship with Jean and that was really rough." You grab a bag of chips and plop yourself onto your bed.

"Comeeee onnnnnn, y/n, I think you would really get along with this guy. I mean he's smart and kind anddddddddd has a pretty face!" She walks up to you and quickly steals a chip from you.

"Hey! Well as tempting as your mystery man sounds, my professors decided to assign a shitload of work, so I have to get busy." You pull out the box of textbooks from under your bed as you mentally prepare yourself for a draining weekend.

"Ugh, you're hopeless. Well, I'm going with Niccolo for a while, so have fun with... that! But if you change your mind, I'll text you his number." She grabs a Twinkie and skips out of your dorm room.

You figure that maybe she's somewhat right, but you know it's too soon to go out with another person. You and Jean had been together since high school and only broke up because you agreed that both of you needed time to find yourselves in college. It's very apparent that you still have some type of feelings for him even if it isn't love and it certainly didn't help that he goes to the same school as you.

But it is college. Even though the love you have towards Jean is still slightly there, maybe going out with another person was what you need to get over him. Even then, you wasted all your high school years getting good grades and being an A+ student that you never got to enjoy yourself and you weren't going to mess it up again. Besides what's the worst thing that could happen?

༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

roomie <3

Today 5:12 PM

can you send me his number

AHH I KNEW IT

here ya go ;)

contact sent

ur a pain but thank u

you better tell me how it

goes!!

duhh

love u

love you moreee

༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

While gazing at the contact, you can't quite explain the feeling you have in your stomach and could only call it excitement, but why?

You're just going out with a guy you've never even met before and for all you know, he could be some creepy perv who just wants to make you feel extremely uncomfortable for his own liking. You giggle to yourself as you keep on thinking of worst-case scenarios and become very aware of how in need you are of getting out of your dorm.

You sit and stare at your phone, wondering how to text someone who may not even remember his conversation about you with Sasha. But fuck it, it was just a date.

༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

Maybe: Armin Arlert

Today 5:20

hey armin, i'm y/n and i don't

if you recall giving your number

to sasha but she said we would make

a great match so i would love to go

out with you later today !

Hey y/n, I do recall Sasha

talking about you and everything

so I would be honored to take you out! (:

Do you want to go out for

a coffie in about an hour?

yeah, that sounds great !

We can meet at the library.

alright, see you then (:

Read 5:31

༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

You feel your face warm up, excited to finally do something out of school and maybe have the possibility to meet someone who could be special. You waste no time sitting around, given that you had only an hour to look your best, and got ready.

You have ten minutes to spare after prepping yourself and decide to walk to the library a bit early. You head out of your dorm, still in disbelief that you're going out with someone who was a stranger. It's definitely more of an exhilarating feeling than a nervous one; this would be the second person you've ever gone out with, Jean being your first and only partner and you have to admit that you feel good. You could feel yourself growing as a person even if this was just a silly first date that could potentially mean nothing.

You make your way to the front of the library and right when you were about to open the door you hear your name being softly called out. You turn around and see a blonde boy with a blue-collar shirt and khakis.

Damn, you have no idea who this boy is and you don't care, but why is someone this gorgeous calling out to you? His doll-like skin complexion looks so soft and smooth while his shirt matches his blue eyes perfectly, and his khakis just adding on to his soft persona.

"Are you y/n?" He snaps you out of your thoughts and back to reality.

"Oh, um yes, and you're Armin? How did you know it was me?" You can't keep your eyes off of him. This is the mystery man that Sasha fixed you up with and, fuck, he's more beautiful than you could've pictured.

"Sasha showed me pictures of the two of you and I must say you're more stunning in person." His cheeks turn into a bright pink as he looks down, feeling as if he's embarrassing himself.

"Thank you and you're a lot more attractive than I ever imagined." You give him a friendly smile when he looks back up as he hears your compliment.

"The uh coffee shop is not far off-campus so we can walk if you like." He rubs the back of his neck, unsure how to begin your date.

"Yeah, that sounds great." You both walk together in awkward silence, not knowing how to start a chat with each other.

"So, Armin, what are you majoring in?" You turn your head towards him, but Armin seems to not want to make any eye contact with his hands in his pockets.

"Oceanography."

"That's cool, have you always loved the ocean or are you just experimenting with different fields?" You try to carry on with the conversation, hoping he would open up to your about his studies at the least.

"I've always loved the ocean."

"Are the classes you're taking pretty difficult?" You feel your face heat up as he continues to be difficult about continuing your attempted dialogue.

"No."

You start losing your patience with this boy. It frustrates you that no matter what you did he can't try to at least engage in the conversation. You knew from the beginning that this could've been a disaster, but it hadn't even started, and it's already exasperating.

You start to genuinely think of ideas to bail yourself out before it could get any worse, but no, you're going to finish this date whether it's awful or not and move on with your life. You told yourself you were evolving as a person and to bail would only be taking you a step back from the new you.

"How do you know Sasha," you ask him, making it your last-ditch effort to start a conversation as you arrive at the coffee shop.

"We met through a mutual friend at a party." He opens the door for you and both of you enter the cafe.

You and Armin are kindly greeted by the barista as you walk to to the cashier. Both of you order your drinks and sit at a table that's next to the glass wall.

"So, did you meet Sasha because you're dorm mates?" He finally ignites some type of conversation as he fidgets with his fingers.

"We actually somewhat knew each other through my ex-boyfriend and we randomly got paired to be dorm mates." You grin to yourself, thinking about how close you and Sasha got over the year.

Even if it was a bitter-sweet moment mentioning Jean, that you realize may not have been the best thing to do. You hear you and Armin's name being called, but right when you're about to get up Armin quietly spoke, "Stay here, I got it."

You watch him get up from his seat and walk back over to the cashier. He pulls out his brown leather wallet, pays for both of your drinks, and makes his way back to the table with a cup in each hand.

"Thank you for paying, you really didn't have to do that." You feel your cheeks get hot as you grab your drink, slightly grazing his fingers.

"It was no biggie." He shrugs his shoulder and slumps back to his seat.

Subsequently, the awkward silence is back, but a lot stronger than before. You can't understand why it's so difficult to get along with him if this was the date where you're supposed to get to know each other and have endless topics to discuss. You keep reassuring yourself that this would be over soon anyway and now you know that Armin just isn't the one for you and you're completely fine with that. At this point, you only see Armin as the boy you went on the most awkward date with and didn't even picture him as a friend.

"Sorry about this, I've never done anything like this before," he mumbles while tapping on the side of his cup, not wanting to look at you because he felt ashamed.

"O-oh, don't stress about it too much, it's my first date after getting out of my relationship so we're on the same boat." You both exchange warmhearted smiles, trying to break the tension but nothing seems to work.

"We can go back to campus. I have some assignments I need to finish up anyways," he suggests and you feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders. Even though Armin seems like a great person, both of you assume that your wavelengths couldn't match, and it was just best to end it.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I also need to catch up on schoolwork as well." Both of you grab your drinks and head back to school without trying to strike a conversation, knowing that it would just make the tension even more awkward.

As soon as you make it back to your dorm, you must say that you never feel happier to arrive in your shitty box.

"Well, thank you for the coffee and I hope you have a great weekend."

"Yeah, you too." You both wave bye and you walk into your dorm, feeling displeased.

While you didn't expect your date to be completely perfect and for you and Armin to fall in love, this was by far the last thing you wanted to happen.

It didn't take long for you to forget what had transpired as you change to comfortable clothes and start heavily working on your assignments. While you were finishing up on one of your worksheets, you feel your phone vibrate and see a text from Sasha.

༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

roomie <3

love you moreee

Today 7:47

you better still have some energy

left in you

??

i'm heading back to get dressed

cause we're going to go PARTYYYY

oh god sasha

i don't do well at parties

pleaseeeeee

i can introduce you to my friends

they're really cool

okayyy sure

so get dolled up

i'll be there soon <3

alright

Read 7:53

next chapter | series masterlist

[music-class-quotes]

My format is also recordings! We have to perform a page of a grade IV solo and two scales (that have between 1-4 sharps and/or flats).

-auditions anon

ahh I'll try to help but I'm not sure how much of a help it'll be.

mainly what I did was know the deadline and schedule out things from there. like for an audition I did for all-state orchestra just last fall, the audition was due on a Monday night or something. I was gone for a marching band trip that weekend so I knew I wasn't going to feel up to recording anything over that weekend. Instead, I recorded things the weekend before that. I had it done and submitted a week early and I didn't have it hanging over my head during the marching band trip!

as for actual recording, take a lot of recordings! if you screw up a little bit, just keep going and finish the recording. that way, you still have a finished one to submit just in case everything else you record is worse. If you screw up majorly then you can stop and try again from the beginning. I've tried to record everything 4-5 times to make sure I get the best possible take.

(if you can record in pieces that's even better, like solo in one recording, scales in another, that's a huge help, but I would definitely make sure that you're allowed to do that before you try to do it that way)

What I would also say is to rehearse everything you need to say/what order you need to play things in before you start recording, but I wouldn't do a full run-through before recording (just in case it ends up being your best run-through and you weren't filming!) others might disagree, but I'm thinking in a just-in-case type scenario

Take breaks between each take, try not to get stressed out (I know I do!) even if you had a really bad take. just breathe, acknowledge what you messed up on, maybe run through that bit a couple times, then once you feel up for it, you can try to record again!

I don't know if any of that will be helpful but it's some stuff that I've done/wish I had done for auditions.

Good luck!!

[one-abuse-survivor]

reporting from the milky way again :)

yes, i did get the exams and project out of the way (the main reason i worked on the project so much last weekend was because i had to turn it in until sunday night) but right now were in the process of getting all the grades back and tbh i'm less than happy about it. So far i'm not happy about math, physics and chemistry and there'll be even worse grades in geography, german and music.

and my dad did not realize the extent of my struggles and seems to think that i'm just a rebellious teenager or something

i know that my mom will be around tomorrow afternoon and i am planning to talk with her then but that'd be a one-on-one conversation and i'm not sure if i can handle that at the moment but we'll see. i can tell you how it went afterwards.

and i'm really excited for friday bc it's the last day of school this year and afterwards we have a 7 week break and i'll be able to go out for lunch with a friend whom I haven't seen in two years because they moved to the US.

okay so this is milky way again and i wanted to let you know how trying to talk to my mom went

spoiler alert: it was worse than disappointing

i didn't start talking about my suspicions of being neurodivergent because i wanted to see how helpful she'd be first so i just kinda started with how i struggle with concentrating and not getting distracted at school and my sleep issues and that's about as far as i got before i got a feeling of how pointless this was.

the only thing she did was telling me that others have it worse (since i still have above-average grades), that everyone has this kind of existential crisis at some point during their teenager years, that the sleeping and concentration issues are just teenager issues that everyone has and that everyone feels like their struggles are worse than everyone else's even tho most of the time they actually aren't and finally that she can't help me

i of course quickly got the hell out of the room and went to bed (so i can be by myself in my room in the dark with my door closed). on one hand i'm absolutely furious and on the other hand i am disappointed, sad and dejected and i don't really believe myself anymore. seriously, what if she's right? she's had about 40 years more life experience and she was a teenager too at some point so she'd know this kinda thing, wouldn't she? what if i'm just complaining too much and talking over the ones that are actually struggling and can actually prove it with grades and stuff?

i feel a lot worse than i did one hour ago and i should've just not started talking in the first place and i regret it so much because i know this conversation will haunt me for the next week if not more.

i'm just angry angry angry

at myself, at her, at the way she compared me with literally everyone else at my age, at how i'm not sure of myself and at everything

i haven't felt this bad since last november and that was when things got really really bad (suicidal thoughts and self-harm included) and i'm so so scared of being there again because i'm on a 7 month 2 week streak with self-harm and i don't want to have to break it

sorry that this is just me venting and that this is so long

tl;dr i tried talking to my mom, now i'm angry at myself and her and i'm terrified of myself

Hi again ❤ I'm really sorry your grades aren't as good as you wanted them to be and that your dad keeps acting like your struggles are just a teenage rebellious phase and not taking you seriously :( I hope you have a good time with your friend, at least!

I'm so so sorry talking to your mom went so badly. I hope you're feeling slightly better now, but if not, I'm sending you the biggest virtual hug. I know how hard it can be to believe you're actually struggling at first, especially mentally, and I can't even imagine how horrible it must feel to have those fears "proven" by the very people meant to help you and support you when you reach out for help.

She is not right, nonnie, no matter how much she insists she is. First of all, I think there's at least some truth to the idea that teenagers tend to think the world revolves around themselves, and to feel uncomprehended at times. But I also think that's completely understandable. I mean, you're experiencing what it's like not to be a kid anymore for the very first time; you're facing many grown-up problems and feelings for the first time. And all of that while hormones wreak havoc in your system. How are you not meant to be at least a little bit angsty at times? But you know what? That doesn't mean you don't deserve help and guidance from your parents! It is a part of parenting to guide your kids through their teenage problems and to help them deal with emotions and issues they'd never had to face before. So even if she was right, and all you were going through right now was a typical teen existential crisis, you would still need and deserve her guidance and support. And you would still deserve to see a doctor about your struggles with sleep and concentration even if it turned out it was a teenage thing. There is no scenario where you deserve to suffer and push through your struggles alone just because your problems don't come from a serious enough source.

Second of all, grades are not indicative of how much you're struggling. I got some of the best grades in my school during years where I was going through abuse. I know a person who managed to get into a medicine degree with undiagnosed ADHD (and you have to get some really high grades to study medicine here). I also know a person who passed 3/4ths of her uni subjects and graduated university while in a depression so severe she could barely walk. Your grades do not dictate whether you need help.

And third of all, she might be older than you, and I'm sure she had a lot of learning experiences as a teenager herself, but that doesn't mean she knows you better than you know yourself. No one knows you better than you know yourself. No one has experienced all life experiences and gets to decide what other people are or aren't going through. And most importantly, there's always going to be someone who has it "worse" than everyone in this world, but that doesn't mean everyone else doesn't deserve help to manage their struggles. There's no such thing as not struggling enough to deserve help. Either you're not struggling at all, whatsoever, or you are to some extent—and no matter what that extent is, if you feel like you need help with it, then you need help with it. No one gets to tell you you don't.

From what I know, it's not unheard of for neurodivergent people to get told by their parents that their experiences are universal and therfore "not a big deal", and for it to turn out that their parents have some signs of neurodivergence themselves and just never got diagnosed. I of course don't know if that's the case here, but I want you to know that regardless of her reasons to tell you your experiences are universal—whether she also went through that and never had it acknowledged or she's saying it to gaslight you and make you question yourself—her behaviour is still neglectful. And you deserved so much better than to be made to feel like you're making things up, exaggerating and talking over others when all you did was ask for help with your personal struggles.

Sending a giant hug your way ❤️